Saturday, May 10, 2014

To the Broken-Hearted Mama on the Other Side of the World

To the broken hearted Mama on the other side of the world, let me say THANK YOU.

THANK YOU for loving him with all your heart.
THANK YOU for giving him kisses and hugs, for taking such amazing care of your only child, for showing him firsthand the love of a mother for the first 2 1/2 years of his life.

You hold so much of his history... You know what that first smile looked like.  The first laugh.  The first time he bravely stood up and put one foot in front of the other to walk.  Did he walk to you China Mama?  Was China Baba standing there watching him too?  You know his name.  You know his birthday.  In some ways I am glad you have those sweet secrets... I hope you are able to look back on them fondly.

Our son has been through a lot.  More than any child should have to.  I know how hard you tried to take care of him.  He was your son, your one and only son wasn't he??  I can't imagine what it was like to walk him into the hospital time and time again and listen to him cry as they tried to find a vein they could get into for a transfusion.  I'm sure all the while you were doing all you could to soothe him, to help him feel better.  And I know that you spent every yuan you had trying to help him for as long as you could...

Even harder still had to be that day.  The day you realized that your love was not going to be enough for him...  My heart is so broken for you.  For what you had to do that day.  For loving your sweet baby boy SO MUCH that you had to say goodbye in that park.  I know you didn't want to, but you knew it was the only way for him to live... 

And I wish you could know that three years and one day later, with our sweet boy in my arms, I took him back to that park in Longcheng Square.  We walked back into it and I wished so desperately that there was some way we could find you.  That you could see that your sacrifice was not in vain.  That you could see that he was still alive.  That you could see that he is beautiful and happy and silly and that he knows how to LOVE.

It's all because of you China Mama...

I pray for you.  I think of you all the time.  Every time I take him for a transfusion, the transfusion that you sacrificed your motherhood for, I pray for you.  I pray that God will give you peace.  I pray that someone will introduce you to him.  To God, the one true God, and his son who came to save us all!!  I pray that he heals your heart.  I pray that he gives you a peace that only he can give to let you know that your baby boy is okay.

We love him with all of our hearts China Mama.  And he loves us.  I know this, most of all, is because of you.  You are the woman who taught him how to love.  And your love is what saved his life.

I promise I will always tell him about you Mama.  His first mama.  His China mama.  The woman who grew him in your belly and loved him with all your heart...  I promise I will always talk to him about you.

And I promise I will take care of him.  I will continue to be the best mama I can possibly be to our son because he deserves nothing less...  I will continue to fight for his health and his happiness fiercely.  He is a beautiful, wonderful, incredibly funny and charming little guy who is loved more than you could even imagine!

My prayers continue for you China Mama.  Today and always...

Happy Mother's Day to you.

All my love,
The Broken-Hearted Mama on this side of the world

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