It’s one thing to explain to everyone that Laila is sick and light heartedly present the pictures that show her as a cute and adorable little girl. I am fine explaining that she needs to come home soon, really soon. I can explain her condition and tell you what needs to happen all day long, but I haven’t shown you the pictures, the REAL pictures.
Because the pictures make it too real. The pictures make me too scared, too weak, and way too filled with fear. Even though I have told everyone the honest truth & difficulties when it comes to raising my cute little son, I just haven’t been able to share this yet.
I have been praying A LOT throughout this process. Praying for more faith. For more genuine resting-in-him-and- his-plan-so- that- I-can-sleep-at-night faith. And at every step, he has reached out to me to show that he loves her more than I do. That he will take care of her because she is his child first. He has constantly reminded me that he is the reason she is alive today. So if he loves her more than I do, then every day I must try to release my fear and have faith in him.
“Which of you, if your son asks for bread will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” Matthew 7:9-11
So here’s the truth… My little one gets welts all over her arms & legs as bugs bite her. Her tummy sticks out because she needs to be transfused better. The rash on her face kept me awake and worried for many nights wondering what it was from and knowing there was nothing I could do for her. The bruises and needle marks on her right hand & wrist make me cry because she has to go through that pain & scary time at transfusion without me there to help her through.
But this is also the truth… He loves her. Her heavenly Father loves her SO much and he is the one that moved my heart to read her file and get her help. He is the one that moved friends to reach out to help me get her transfused and he is the one that ensured that all the funding was there to keep getting her transfusions until we can get to her. He is there with her everyday in that orphanage. He is there with her as she cries silent tears as the hospital tries to find a vein to transfuse her with. I may not be there yet to hold her in my arms and love on her, but he is.
God grew my heart and faith in a tremendous way during Chengbin’s adoption, and man oh man is he at work in me this time. Humbling me to accept the help he wants his people to provide. Humbling me to be honest about my little girl’s condition. Every day he teaches me more and more to rest in him. To trust him. It’s amazing how God can use the adoption of a child to change SO MANY hearts and lives!
So there it is, the truth. Please keep Laila in your prayers. We are hoping to have our dossier headed to China on Wednesday and for very fast movement once it is there! :)
Thanks for stopping by,