Friday, August 2, 2013

Day Five: Adoption & Adjustment

Oh what a day our first full day with the little man was.  He slept with daddy (no bed wetting) and woke up happy and ready to go.  We went down to breakfast and found out he can really put away the food!!  He ate pancakes, donuts, watermelon, pork teriyaki, rice noodles, & cantaloupe.  He offered mama and baba quite a bit of this food in between shoveling in bites himself.  So sweet!  He watched baba stir cream and sugar into his coffee, so once he was finished eating, he composed a Chengbin Special for Baba which had orange juice, sugar, yogurt, and who knows what else.  Baba politely turned it down! :)

Then we went for a walk around the pond and waterfall path to see the fish and do a little exploring.  He started having moments that he didn't want to hold hands along the way, but he definitely checks often to make sure we are all with him.

 Looking back to make sure I'm coming too.  He always does that! So sweet...

We got ready to head back to Civil Affairs to complete the adoption, and as we tried to leave the room we got the first glimpse of stubbornness.  He DID NOT want to leave the room.  Unfortunately, we had to, so he angrily walked over to the elevator with us and went downstairs.  We met our guide and went to walk out to the van and he refused to go.  He stood there... Still, quiet, and very determined.  We told him to come, he shook his head no.  Our guide told him to come, he shook his head no.  We asked him if he wanted to hold hands.  No.  To let us pick him up.  No.  We went to hold hands and he pulled away.  Matt resolutely decided to just pick him up and go.  That's when the meltdown begun.  Chengbin tried so hard to push himself away from Baba to escape.  Little did he realize that Baba is much stronger.  He cried, screamed, pushed, kicked and Baba sweetly and calmly told him that we have to go and we're sorry we can't stay in the room, but he needs to calm down.  He acted that way all the way to the car and 5 minutes into the car ride before he finally began to settle down. 

I'll admit, I was worried.  We were about to go sign papers saying that we want to keep this little boy forever and I worried he was going to reject us right in front of them and what would happen then?  Fortunately, though he was still upset, he decided to be compliant, walk in and do what he was asked.  Within 30 minutes, our adoption was complete and we decided that only our guide and I would go into the store to buy Chengbin a pair of shoes on the way back.  (The ones from gotcha day were too big and quite stinky ;)

We made it back into the hotel before noon and decided that for the rest of the day we would be staying in.  He did just fine in the hotel.  We went swimming and he did okay.  This boy LOVES swimming, but by the end of the swim we decided that we are DONE with the kiddie pool after another 15 minutes of him nearly hitting his head once every couple of minutes as he throws himself down.  In the big pool he decided that he would let me help a little to take him out, but he didn't let me hold him close or take him very far out.  The trust just wasn't there yet.

At the end of the day we decided to go get a movie or two since we were getting bored. Once again, he didn't want to leave the room.  We just stood by the door and waited a minute to see if he'd change his mind.  He then packed up his backpack with his favorite toys, put it on, and he was ready to go with us.  At that point we realized, that is what he had been trying to do in the morning before the meltdown... He had wanted to take his backpack.  So we went to the store and after a minor freak out where he thought Baba was taking his movie away (actually we were just going to pay for it) we saw the stubborn child re-emerge. The walk back was difficult...

So he is clearly feeling more comfortable and willing to share when he is angry.  We are all adjusting.  Learning how to communicate.  Learning what makes our little guy tick.  And he's learning what Mama & Baba expect of him.  Its a tremendous adjustment for this little boy and we are trying to be patient and loving to help him understand this new life he has entered.  Adjustment is hard.  Really hard.  You know it's going to be, but somehow it is way different when you are "down in the trenches" actually doing it.  He is worth it though.  This poor little boy has gone through more than any child should have to.  Thank the Lord he is ours, and no matter the adjustment or the meltdown or the difficulty, we will get through it with him.

Pray for us though, that we are making the right choices.  That he will understand us, and we will understand him.  This little boy's life has been turned upside down.  In his moments of upset I sense a little bit of his grief.  We went to bed that night praying so hard that Wednesday would be better.

1 comment:

  1. It looks like K is being such a good big sister! <3 how she is looking down at him in the 1st pic and holding his hand in the "look-back" pic. I'm so happy for you guys, and I know that you have the patience to figure him out and do what's best for him!